Cardinal Rules

Prediction: No Postseason Play for Aging Yankees

2012-01-20T02:13:00.000-08:00

Contrary to what most baseball experts believe, the New York Yankees are no longer the best team in the American League. In fact, they're not even the best team in their division; maybe not even the second best team in the much-improved (except the Yankees) AL East.

On the surface, the Yankees appeared to have addressed their most glaring weakness - starting pitching - when they signed 37-year old free agent former-Dodger Hiroki Kuroda to a $10 million one-year deal and acquired (via trade) 22-year old rookie sensation Michael Pineda from the Mariners. With last year's shaky pitching trio of AJ Burnett, Freddy Garcia and Phil Hughes providing little stability to the rotation, adding these two arms should eat up some innings in 2012. That's the good news.

Here's the bad news:

Kuroda has spent his entire four-year major league career with the Dodgers, who play their home games in pitcher's haven Chavez Ravine. Consequently, his career ERA of 3.45 is artificially low, which accounts for a so-so won loss record of 41-46. He may give the Yanks some innings, but don't expect double digit wins as his ERA soars well over 4 runs per game in hitter-friendly Yankee Stadium.

Likewise, Pineda's 2011 ERA of 3.74 seems like a pretty good number for a rookie, but Safeco Field was his home field advantage. Pitching away from home resulted in a less than desirable 4.40 ERA for the youngster. Performing in the harsh spotlight of New York is never easy for even the most seasoned hurler; putting that kind of pressure on a kid with just one season of stress-free experience on his resume may be disastrous.

Last year, the Yankees relied heavily on the one-two pitching punch of CC Sabathia (19-8) and rookie Ivan Nova (16-4) to facilitate another trip to the post season, as AL East division champions. Their failure to get past the Detroit Tigers in the ALDS reveals what is perhaps the real challenge facing New York heading into the 2012 season: The offensive core of this team has grown old. Derek Jeter is heading into his age-37 season and Alex Rodriguez seems practically washed-up at the age of 36. Of course, neither key player did much of anything in that five-game flop against Detroit.

Ironically, only the now-deposed Jorge Posada rose to the occasion in that series, hitting .429 (6 for 14), drawing four walks (OBP of .579), and slugging an impressive (especially for a 40-year old) .571. By contrast, Jeter hit just .250 while striking out a team-high eight times, and A-Rod managed a paltry .111 BA with six whiffs, including the game and series-ending punch-out.

More bad news:

The Yankees dealt rising star Jesus Montero (.328 - .406 - .590 with four home runs in 18 games) to Seattle in exchange for Pineda. Montero displayed great opposite-field power in his brief stint with the Yankees last season, and would've fit in nicely in the middle of that lineup in '12. Certainly, there is some offensive fire-power returning in '12, led by the explosive Robinson Cano, who drove in 118 runs while scoring 104 in '11. Curtis Granderson had a career year with 139 runs scored, 119 RBIs, 41 home runs, and an OPS+ of 138, but can he keep up that type of production in '12? It's more likely he'll return to his normal career averages: 109 runs scored, 81 RBIs, 28 home runs, with an OPS+ of 117. Those are good numbers, but nowhere near his 2011 production.

When all is said and done, the failure of the Yankees to reach the 2012 post season will be largely attributed to the continued demise of Alex Rodriguez. Here's a look at A-Rod's steadily declining OPS+ since he led the American League in 2007:

'07 - 176
'08 - 150
'09 - 138
'10 - 123
'11 - 116

Look for that OPS+ to fall below the "average" level of 100 in 2012. That's not the kind of production the Yankees are going to need from its aging superstar third baseman, if they expect to reach the post season, and possibly win another World Series.

Unfortunately, if you're a Yankees fan; that's the harsh reality. Don't expect to see New York playing past the first 162 games in 2012. Their glory years are at least temporarily on hiatus.

Larry Underwood is a baseball historian, die-hard Cardinals fan and author. Here's his latest: St Louis Cardinals IQ - The Ultimate Test of True Fandom (Volume 2)

http://www.amazon.com/St-Louis-Cardinals-IQ-Ultimate/dp/0983792259/ref=cm_pdp_books_itm_title_5

Will Door to Cooperstown Ever Open for Dick Allen?

2012-01-14T21:36:00.000-08:00

His career spanned 15 seasons and two name changes. As "Richie", he was the NL Rookie of the Year in 1964. By the time he convinced most people he preferred to be called "Dick" (1972), he had become the American League's Most Valuable Player - and its most pre-Reggie Jackson-acclaimed slugger.

One thing is certain: Richie-call me-Dick Allen could hit a baseball very hard. So hard, in fact, it was almost beyond belief. And he did it with a piece of lumber so big and heavy it looked more like a telephone pole than bat.

Swinging that big stick, Allen had the 19th highest OPS+ in MLB history: 156. The eighteen players in front of him are either in the Hall of Fame or named Bonds or Pujols. The three players immediately behind him with an OPS+ of 155 are named Aaron, DiMaggio, and Mays. That's pretty impressive company, baseball fans.

Yet, for some reason, the door to Cooperstown never opened for Dick Allen, who retired after the 1977 season with 351 home runs to his credit. Although he twice led the American League in home runs, Allen's swing usually produced vicious line drives that simply weren't hit high enough to clear the fences. Allen's specialty was denting the fences, which he did with eye-popping consistency during his career.

Still, this great slugger from Wampum, PA (who turns 70 on March 8) is not in the Hall of Fame. Why not? There are a few mitigating factors which may be working against him. In this recently enlightened age of saber-metrics, the most obvious reason past voters ignored his accomplishments: Nobody knew what OPS+ was thirty years ago, when Dick Allen's name first appeared on a Hall of Fame ballot. Home runs mattered most - 500 was the magic number, and he didn't extend his career long enough to reach that plateau.

Hall of Fame voters have typically been enamored with the .300 batting average. Case in point: George Kell, who averaged .306 during his well-traveled (five different teams) Hall of Fame career, which featured 78 home runs in 15 nondescript American League seasons during the '40s and '50s. Kell was a personable fellow - well-liked by just about everyone he knew, including the members of the Hall of Fame Veteran's Committee, who decided he was ready for Cooperstown membership in 1983.

Dick Allen "only" hit .292. Not good enough, according to the voters, who also seemed to ignore his .378 OBP and his .534 SLG - both Hall of Fame caliber numbers. How could this happen?

Unfortunately for Dick Allen, he was not universally admired by the "baseball establishment" - owners, front office executives, along with the media - were generally not enamored by the free-spirited antics of this enigmatic superstar. Since Allen didn't fit the conventional mold of what was considered "acceptable behavior" for superstar ballplayers - he liked to play the horses and hit the nightclub scene from time to time - he wasn't so well-liked (in contrast to the less-skilled but personable Hall of Famer George Kell).

Cooperstown shouldn't be a popularity contest - but let's face it - for players considered to have "borderline" qualifications, they need to have a lot more friends than enemies with the voters who make the decisions on who gets in and who doesn't. The truth of the matter is, Dick Allen's Hall of Fame credentials are exemplary.

It's time to open the door to Cooperstown and let Dick Allen in where he belongs.

Larry Underwood is a baseball historian - die-hard St Louis Cardinals fan - author: St Louis Cardinals IQ - The Ultimate Test of True Fandom - Volumes 1 & 2

http://www.amazon.com/St-Louis-Cardinals-IQ-Ultimate/dp/0983792259/ref=cm_pdp_books_itm_title_5

The Hall of Fame Case for Ted Simmons

2012-01-13T10:29:00.000-08:00

Congratulations to Barry Larkin - Cooperstown's newest member had to wait three years to get in, but in the grand scheme of things, that's not such a long wait. Among the former players who didn't make it in this year are four guys who will probably get in, eventually - Tim Raines, Jack Morris, Jeff Bagwell, and Lee Smith.

The guy who came the closest - Morris - is the guy I think has the weakest Hall of Fame credentials. Sure, he pitched one of the greatest World Series games ever - Game Seven in 1991 - but his career ERA was a decidedly un-Cooperstown-like 3.90. But, Morris won more games in the '80s than any other pitcher, which is nice; that only tells me maybe the pitching wasn't all that great in the decade.

Meanwhile, Tim Raines and Lee Smith should have been voted in a long time ago - Smith retired as the active career saves leader (478) and Raines was the second best lead-off hitter (behind Rickey Henderson - ahead of Lou Brock) in MLB history. If those aren't Hall of Fame credentials, I don't know what is.

Then there's the Jeff Bagwell case. He had the misfortune of playing during the Steroids Era, so is automatically - and unfairly - under suspiscion for using performance enhancing drugs. There has not been a single shred of evidence linking Bagwell to PEDs, yet in the eyes of a significant number of voters (including MLB Network historian Bob Costas), he's guilty until proven innocent. That's a shame, because his career was undoubtedly "first ballot" Hall of Fame caliber. The good news: He should make it in the next year or two.

Naturally, there are a vast number of former players not in the Hall of Fame who had borderline "Cooperstown careers", including four who played at one time or another for the Redbirds - Minnie Minoso, Dick Allen, Larry Walker, and Ted Simmons (I've already stated my case for Ken Boyer - but there's no way he's getting in.).

What about Ted Simmons? When Hall of Fame baseball analyst, Peter Gammons specifically pinpoints Simmons as a major Cooperstown oversight, that means something. Hopefully, enough voters will listen, and do something about it. After all, Gammons knows what he's talking about.

Why isn't Simmons already in the Hall of Fame? Three major factors come into play:

* His career began as a full-time catcher for the Cardinals in 1970, which happened to coincide with a prolonged period of mediocrity the team would endure throughout his tenure in St Louis, which came to an end ten years later, when he was traded to Milwaukee. Being stuck on a mediocre team wasn't his fault. In fact, without Ted Simmons in the lineup, the Cardinals would have been something far less than mediocre through the 1980 season - in other words, they would have really sucked.

* His career roughly coincided with the career of Johnny Bench, who was arguably, the greatest catcher in MLB history. Being second banana to the Great Bench unfairly diminished his performance, which was in fact, Hall of Fame caliber.

* Playing half his games for most of his career in cavernous Busch Stadium turned countless home runs into long outs. Few players in MLB history ever smashed baseballs with the degree of ferocity Simmons did in 21 big league seasons, so his relatively modest home run total of 248 is misleading.

The hard-hitting (switch-hitting) Simmons amassed 2472 hits (probably none of the "infield variety") - more than Bench, Carlton Fisk, Gary Carter, or Jorge Posada, for that matter. His lifetime .285 BA also leads that quartet, and his 1389 RBI total is close to the top of that heap, trailing only Bench by a mere seven runs batted in.

What about OPS+? This is perhaps the most accurate saber-metric measurement of a player's offensive production, taking into consideration "on base percentage" and "slugging percentage", while factoring in the "degree of difficulty" associated with the playing venue. As stated, old Busch Stadium was a pitcher's haven - not at all condusive to the long ball. Here's how Simmons stacked up against the three Hall of Famers and the one potential Hall of Famer:

Bench - 126
Posada - 121
Simmons - 117
Fisk - 117
Carter - 115

Of the three catchers already enshrined in Cooperstown, Bench played in four different World Series, winning twice; Carter and Fisk both played in one Fall Classic (both were very "classic" Fall Classics), as did Ted Simmons - ironically, as a member of the Milwaukee Brewers, playing against his old team - and losing in seven games - in 1982. Carter was on the winning side playing for the Mets in 1986, and we all know Fisk's Red Sox fell to Bench's Reds in 1975, although Carlton's memorable Game Six walk-off home run made him an instant legend in Bean Town.

If World Series success affects Hall of Fame voting, five-time winner Jorge Posada may find himself in Cooperstown some day; hopefully, by that time, Cooperstown will have already admitted the greatest Cardinal catcher in history - Ted Lyle Simmons.

Just ask Peter Gammons; he belongs.

Fascinated with St Louis Cardinals history? Test your Redbird IQ!

http://www.amazon.com/St-Louis-Cardinals-IQ-Ultimate/dp/0983792259/ref=cm_pdp_books_itm_title_5

Dawson's '87 NL MVP Award a Travesty - Here's Proof

2012-01-03T02:37:00.000-08:00

In 1987, Chicago Cubs right fielder Andre Dawson led the National League with 49 home runs and 137 RBIs.  He was the toast of Chi-Town. Everybody loved him. His loyal fans in the bleachers paid non-stop tribute to The Hawk with arms raised high, bowing at the waist in that classic "Wayne's World" We-Are-Not-Worthy Salute. Remember that?

Meanwhile, despite the heroic efforts of the Mighty Dawson, the Cubs lost the vast majority of their games, finishing dead last in the NL East, far behind the division champion St Louis Cardinals. That didn't matter to the sports writers voting for the most "worthy" candidate to receive the NL Most Valuable Player Award - it went to Dawson.

At the time, I was a little irked that Cardinals slugger Jack Clark - who had his best season ever despite having it shortened by a severe ankle injury in early September - didn't win it. Clark's acrobatic teammate, Ozzie Smith, actually finished second in the voting that year, putting together his best season ever - both offensively (75 RBIs) and defensively - he was never better.

Back in '87, measuring player performance was done the old-fashioned - and sometimes misleading way - things like "batting average", "home runs" and "runs batted in" were the crucial barometers of performance. Today, we realize "on base percentage" paints a better picture. Therefore, batters who are adept at drawing "base on balls" are generally more helpful to their team than free-swingers who rarely walk. It's so obvious, but rarely got much attention until guys like Billy Beane (Money Ball) started analyzing offensive production more effectively, about a decade ago.

So, let's take a closer look at the true numbers Dawson (AD) and Clark (JC) put up back in '87. A category in bold type indicates a #1 NL ranking. The conclusion: Clark should have been named Most Valuable Player that year - just as I suspected!

          R        HR        RBI        BB        BA        OBP        SLG        OPS        OPS+        WAR
JC    93        35         106        136       .286        .459        .597        1.055        176             6.5

AD   90         49         137         32        .287        .328        .568         .896         130             2.7

There are several fascinating observations here. Clark walked 104 more times than the free-swinging Dawson, accounting for the NL leading OBP - SLG - OPS - OPS+ - All true measurements of offensive production. Dawson's OBP is extremely low for someone considered to be a league MVP!

Sure, it would have been one thing if Dawson was on the pennant winning team. Instead, Clark played for the winner, and based on his true production, it's not surprising!

I rest my case. Sorry Andre, we have to give the MVP Award to Jack the Ripper now. Only because he deserved it all along.

I knew it!

Fielder Could Make Giants Champs Again

2012-01-01T06:02:00.000-08:00

After Albert Pujols deserted his Cardinal Legacy in favor of that heavily back-loaded ten-year deal Artie Moreno convinced him to accept, many Cardinals fans (myself included) were hoping 27-year old Prince Fielder would hook on with the World Champions, and help lead them back to another title - 12 in '12, baby!

If the Cards do repeat however, it will be with a lineup featuring former Cardinal-killer-turned-caught looking-in-'06-victim, Carlos Beltran; not Prince Fielder. I understand the economic challenges facing the Cardinals - forking over a couple hundred million to one guy would hinder future efforts to keep guys like Wainwright, Molina, and Freese on the payroll. Makes sense.

Meanwhile, the team that does sign Fielder may have the missing ingredient necessary to reach the post season. I think he's going to stay in the National League - my guess is he'll wind up signing with the Washington Nationals. No doubt, that would greatly improve their lineup; whether or not that would translate to a post season berth in '12 is anybody's guess.

Unfortunately for the Nats, they play in the NL East - a division dominated by the Philadelphia Phillies and their vaunted pitching staff. Also lurking in the shadows are the Atlanta Braves, who will be inspired to prove that last season's September collapse was a fluke. Then there are the vastly improved (except the uniforms) Miami Marlins. If they sneak in the back door and sign Prince, that may lead to extended October play for that franchise. I'm only giving them a 10% chance of making that happen. As if I really know.

There's another team that may come into play in the Fielder sweepstakes - the San Francisco Giants. This is the one team that could benefit the most from having Prince in its lineup; they've got plenty of pitching - not much hitting. With a healthy Buster Posey returning to the lineup in '12, the Giants should be able to average more than the three and a half runs per game they produced last year. Add Prince Fielder to the lineup, and they could get closer to five runs a game. That could be a huge run differential in '12 - and that could make them a premier playoff-caliber team.

Of course, any team that gets into the post season is dangerous. Barring injuries, the Cardinals should be able to make it back again - this time as NL Central champions. None of this wild card nonsense, please. It's too nerve-wracking.

The Greatest Cardinal NOT in Cooperstown

2011-12-31T00:55:00.000-08:00

He played eleven seasons for the St Louis Cardinals, was an All-Star seven times, won five Gold Gloves, and was the NL Most Valuable Player in 1964, leading his team to its first World Championship in eighteen years.

He was such a revered player in St Louis, the Cardinals hierarchy retired his number (14), along with seven other Cardinal greats - Ozzie Smith (1), Red Schoendienst (2), Stan Musial (6), Enos Slaughter (9), Dizzy Dean (17), Lou Brock (20), and Bob Gibson (45). All have been inducted into baseball's Hall of Fame, in Cooperstown, New York - except number (14) - Ken Boyer.

Boyer has been dead now for nearly thirty years, passing away a little more than a month before the Cardinals would win the 1982 World Series. Boyer never received more than a handful of votes in his early years of Hall of Fame eligibility. Sadly, dying seems to work in favor of induction, tugging at the heart-strings of those otherwise callous voters; still, Boyer peaked out with only 25% of the vote in 1988 - a year in which the Cardinals made it to the World Series in three of the previous six years.

As the Cardinals faded from the national sports scene in the late '80s - early '90s, so too did the memory of Boyer's on-field accomplishments fade from the minds of the Hall of Fame voters. Clearly, Ken Boyer will never make it to Cooperstown. His career numbers don't jump out at you - .287 lifetime batting average - 282 home runs - 2143 hits - 1104 runs scored - 1142 runs batted in - but the numbers don't really tell the story of what Ken Boyer embodied as a player.

Let me tell you.

Boyer broke in with the Cardinals in 1955, as a slick fielding third baseman, hitting a respectable .264 with 18 home runs in 147 games.  He improved to .306 with 26 home runs and 98 RBIs in his sophomore season. Only an aging Stan Musial posted better offensive numbers for the Cardinals, but not by much.

Meanwhile, the team itself wasn't very good, finishing well below .500 in each of Boyer's first two major league seasons. Then, some genius decided to convert the fleet-footed, uncomplaining Boyer into a centerfielder in 1957. Although he fielded his position brilliantly, the transition clearly detracted from his offensive production, as Boyer regressed to hit .265 with only 19 home runs. Ironically, the Cardinals played well in '57, finishing in second place behind the Milwaukee Braves.

Luckily, the Cardinals acquired another player to patrol centerfield, beginning in 1958 - Curt Flood - allowing Boyer to return to third base - where he belonged. Over the next seven seasons, Boyer played brilliantly, with remarkable consistency, as the Cardinals gradually developed into a championship-caliber team.

After another second place finish in 1963, paced by Ken Boyer's then career-high 111 RBIs, the Cardinals were hopeful that 1964 was going to be "their year". Of course, the '64 Cardinals completed a dramatic late-season comeback to surge past the fading Phillies to capture their first NL pennant since 1946. The remarkable Ken Boyer, playing in every inning of all 162 regular season games, drove in a NL leading 119 runs, while hitting 24 home runs for the fourth consecutive year. He was rewarded for his efforts by being named the NL Most Valuable Player.

Boyer's heroics didn't stop with the conclusion of the regular season. In the World Series against the fabled New York Yankees, the Cardinals had their backs up against the wall early in the Series.  Down two games to one, and losing 3-0 in the fifth inning of Game 4 at Yankee Stadium, Ken Boyer belted a grand slam home run down the left field line, giving the Redbirds a thrilling 4-3 win over the stunned Bronx Bombers. It was the turning point of the World Series - instead of being down three games to one, the Cards had evened things up at two games apiece. Bob Gibson eventually won Game 7 for the Cardinals, 7-5. Boyer hit his second home run of the World Series, and wound up with a team-leading six RBIs in the seven games.

Boyer was now 33 years of age; mentally and physically exhausted. The following season, he was unable to muster the energy and concentration necessary to continue producing as he had during the first ten years of his career. In 1965, his batting average dropped to a career low .260, with only 13 home runs and 75 RBIs.  Shortly after the end of that dismal season, Ken Boyer was traded to the Mets for a third baseman by the name of Charley Smith.

Just like that, the Ken Boyer Era in St Louis Cardinals baseball was over. In time, his number would be retired by an appreciative Cardinals franchise. His legacy: The greatest Cardinal player not in Cooperstown.  His consolation: He was part of a World Championship team; not every Hall of Famer can make that claim.

Exclusive! Fake Interview with Hanley Ramirez

2011-12-26T05:14:00.000-08:00

Contrary to popular belief, Miami Marlins star Hanley Ramirez is not a self-absorbed, unmotivated, immature, prima donna. In this exclusive fake interview, Hanley opens up about his desire to be a "team player" and make room for newly acquired free-agent Jose Reyes to take over at shortstop.

CR: Your thoughts about the free-agent acquisition of Jose Reyes to play shortstop for the Marlins next season?

Hanley: I think it's great. Shortstop is a very demanding position and Jose has a proven track record of durability. I think he's capable of playing at least 50 games before breaking down with another pulled hamstring. Actually, I'll go out on a limb and say he might even play 60 games for us in 2012.

CR: How do you feel about moving over to third base to make room for Jose at your former position - shortstop?

Hanley: Hey, I'm looking forward to the challenge. I'm a ballplayer; I'll play wherever the team needs me. I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm excited about getting the chance to break some records at third base. What is the record for most errors by a third baseman, anyway?

CR: Do you think the Marlins can be competitive in the tough NL East next season?

Hanley: Hey, we're looking forward to the challenge. With any luck at all, we can finish ahead of the Mets in 2012.

CR: How long do you think it will take before the Marlins win another World Series?

Hanley: Well, it's been over 100 years since the Cubs did it; right? I think we can easily do it before the end of the millenium.

CR: How would you describe your attitude right now?

Hanley: I couldn't be happier. I get paid to play baseball for a living. That sure beats working 60 hours a week as some management trainee at Enterprise Rent-a-Car. Give me a break!

Can Reshuffled Cards Do It Again?

2011-12-22T07:09:00.000-08:00

After pulling off that improbable - actually, impossible - World Series triumph over the Texas Rangers a couple of months ago, the St Louis Cardinals will enter the 2012 season with a new manager - Mike Matheny - whose biggest challenge will be taking over a team that no longer has the Game's Greatest Player on its roster. The good news for the Cardinals' front office: The Game's Greatest Player is no longer on the payroll.

Certainly, losing a guy who usually drives in well over 100 runs each year is going to put pressure on the new lineup; but the Cards just signed 34-year old outfielder Carlos Beltran to a two-year-$26 million deal; an amount roughly one-tenth as much as the ten-year contract the Angels negotiated with King Albert Pujols - The Game's Greatest Player. Maybe Angels owner Artie Moreno can afford to shell out over a quarter of a billion bucks to a player who will more than likely be a DH or bench player in another five years or so.

The Cardinals offered a measley $210 million-10-year deal to the former Cardinals icon. What an insult. What were they thinking? Hmm. Maybe they were thinking/hoping he'd turn it down, figuring they could spend the money on other items, such as moderately-priced free-agents like Carlos Beltran. Or contract extensions on guys like David Freese and Adam Wainwright, among others. There are lots of possibilities for the frugal front office to keep the roster stocked with good, young ballplayers, in lieu of overpriced aging icons.

Obviously, with Pujols no longer a part of the Cardinals' lineup heading into the 2012 season, the challenge of repeating as World Champions becomes all the more difficult. Although the Redbirds have now won eleven titles - the most of any NL team - the franchise has never won back-to-back Fall Classics. In fact, the last NL team to accomplish the feat was the fabled Big Red Machine - the Cincinnati Reds, in 1975 and 1976. Prior to that, the New York Giants defeated Babe Ruth's Yankees in 1921 and 1922, before the Bambino and Company took care of business in 1923. Strangely enough, those lovable losers - the Chicago Cubs - were at one time hard-core winners, with back-to-back World Championships in 1907 and 1908. Great memories, eh Cubs fans? Sorry.

So, what are the chances of repeating for the Redbirds? Past history suggests it's unlikely. Losing the services of Albert Pujols suggests it's even more unlikely. Although the current roster is loaded with talent, it has also been injury-prone. Gambling on an aging player's ability to stay injury-free for an entire season is a risky proposition; but let's face it, not gambling on oft-injured free-agents like Rafael Furcal and Carlos Beltran has no upside potential. If they manage to stay healthy and play in 140 or more games in '12, that would bode well for the Redbirds' chances of winning back-to-back World Series titles. It wouldn't hurt if the Cards could also have the services of David Freese for an entire, injury-free season. Wow.

Every time I think of Freese, I think of Game 6 - the most miraculous victory in World Series history. The great sportswriter, Jason Stark, supplied us with some fascinating tid-bits of information about Game 6, in case anyone doubted the extent of the miracles that happened in that contest:

* The Cardinals trailed in that game five different times before finally winning it. No team in World Series history had ever done that. The Cardinals - in 19,387 regular season games - had never won a game after trailing five different times. Never.

* In the previous 1327 post season games played, no team had ever scored in the 8th, 9th, 10th, and 11th innings. Of course, in the 9th inning, St Louis was down to its last strike before extending the game with Freese's two-run game-tying triple. Likewise, they were down to their last strike in the 10th inning before Lance Berkman's game-tying single plated a jubilant, skipping Jon Jay. The last time any team was in that same situation was in the '86 World Series - the Miracle Mets in Game 6 - when the Red Sox managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, to perpetuate the Curse of the Bambino.

Of course, the Redbirds' unlikely post season berth resulted from an amazing stretch run, combined with the total collapse of the team they were pursuing - the Atlanta Braves. With just five games left to play, the Cards still trailed the Braves by three games. Incredibly, the Braves lost all five of those games while the Cards won four out of five. How often is that sort of thing going to happen?

It's interesting to note, the 1985 Cardinals won 101 regular season games, and never lost a game entering the 9th inning with a lead; that is, until Game 6 of the World Series. The 2011 Cardinals won just 90 regular season games, losing eleven games when they held a 9th inning or later lead. In other words, they should have won 101 games last season.

Had the Cardinals actually won 101 games last season, perhaps their five-game NLDS conquest of the Phillies wouldn't have been so shocking. Actually, the way they won Game 2 was quite shocking. Staked to a 4 - 0 lead, Phillies pitcher Cliff Lee wound up on the losing end of a 5 - 4 decision. In his career, Cliff Lee is now 94 - 2 whenever he's ahead by four or more runs. Strangely enough, the winning pitcher on both occasions was Octavial Dotel.

I don't know if all those miracles that happened for the Cardinals in 2011 will somehow balance out against them in some sort of weird cosmic-way in 2012. I always feel slightly uncomfortable whenever so-called experts predict St Louis to fare well in anything; they're usually wrong. As luck would have it, three analysts on the MLB Network - Larry Bowa, Dave Valle, and Mitch "Wild Thing" Williams unanimously picked the reshuffled Cards to win the NL Central in 2012.

It may be unrealistic to expect another trip to the World Series for the Cardinals in 2012, but after last year's non-stop barrage of miracles, it actually may be unrealistic for Cards' fans to expect anything less than another World Series championship. For those keeping score at home, that would be 12 in '12...

http://www.amazon.com/St-Louis-Cardinals-IQ-Ultimate/dp/0983792259/ref=cm_pdp_books_itm_title_5

Will World Series MVP Freese Stay Hot in 2012?

2011-12-18T02:44:00.000-08:00

Recently, MLB Network's analytics-enamored guru, Brian Kenny proclaimed on his "Clubhouse Confidential" program that being named the World Series MVP does not necessarily mean that player will go on to have a stellar follow-up season. As an example, he cited the 2011 campaign which 2010 World Series MVP, Edgar Renteria suffered through - hitting just .251 in an injury-riddled 96 games.

Ironically, David Freese - 2011's World Series MVP - has yet to play an entire season without getting banged up himself. Will 2012 be the year Freese stays hot for a full 162 games? If he can stay healthy, I like his odds, regardless of how other World Series MVPs fared in their follow-up seasons.

Curiosity got the better of me, so I thought I'd dig deeper - all the way back to 1982, when Cardinals catcher Darrell Porter led St Louis to its first World Series title since 1967. Porter was one of three catchers since his '82 heroics to take home the MVP honors - Rick Dempsey (1983) and Pat Borders (1992) were the other two. None of the three backstops set the world on fire in their follow-up seasons, although Porter's .262 batting average in '83 was his highest mark in his five seasons with the Redbirds.

Pitching has dominated the MVP selections over the years since '82 - 14 hurlers were chosen - and all but four had stellar performances the following seasons. The 2001 co-MVPs for the World Series champion Arizona Diamondbacks - Randy Johnson and Curt Schilling - won 24 and 23 games, respectively, in 2002. They were in good company - Frank Viola, Orel Hershiser, Dave Stewart, Jose Rijo, Jack Morris, Tom Glavine, John Wetteland, and Mariano Rivera - proved their World Series domination was no fluke; all had tremendous seasons the very next year. Three had "so-so" seasons as a follow-up - Livan Hernandez, Josh Beckett, and Cole Hamels - and just one pitcher had what could be termed "awful" in his next season - Bret Saberhagen, who went 7-12 in 1986 for the World Champion Kansas City Royals.

Third basemen have taken the World Series MVP honors five times since '82 - shortstops four times - outfielders three times - along with one DH - future Hall of Famer, Paul Molitor. Strangely enough, there haven't been any first basemen selected, although Joe Carter's 1993 World Series decisive Game Six home run ended things in dramatic fashion, giving Toronto its second straight championship.

Of the position players who were World Series MVPs, four were bitten by the injury bug the next season - Renteria, David Eckstein, Troy Glaus, and Mike Lowell - and four had sensational seasons as an encore - Jermaine Dye (.315-44-120), Manny Ramirez (.292-45-144), Derek Jeter (.311-110 runs scored), and Molitor, who hit .341 in the strike-shortened '94 season.

Getting back to David Freese, who had the greatest overall post season in history - featuring his record-setting 21 RBIs in 18 games - I think it's safe to say he'll prove that performance was no fluke. It's also safe to say - with Albert Pujols' departure - the Cardinals will be counting on their third baseman to stay healthy and pick up where he left off in October. If they're planning a return engagement to the Fall Classic, the Redbirds will absolutely need a healthy David Freese to help lead them back to the Promised Land.

God: "Glitch" Sends Pujols to Angels

2011-12-10T09:55:00.001-08:00

A source close to God has informed the MLB Network early Tuesday morning that devout slugger Albert Pujols' decision to move to the Los Angeles/Anaheim/California Angels resulted from a "communication mixup" between the Lord and the former 11 year St Louis Cardinals icon.

Attempting to explain the series of events that led King Albert to the Halos, the source set the record straight: "Albert Pujols has been asking God for a lot of guidance lately, and the increased volume of prayers has put a strain on the Lord's ability to give His usual top-notch advice. God decided to delegate the responsibilites to a special task force committee comprised of several former major league players who could offer the best possible guidance."

The exact identity of the committee members was not disclosed, although the source confirmed they were all dead and residing in Heaven.

"Unfortunately, when God relayed the plan to Mr Pujols, a communications glitch occurred."

Apparently, when God told Pujols he would be getting "help from the angels", Albert thought He was referring to the AL West franchise, who had coincidentally contacted the slugger about moving out west anyway.

Reportedly, God was embarrassed by the mixup, saying he had "completely forgotten" about the franchise he had helped win the World Series in 2002.

"God wants to let everyone know He usually doesn't resort to Divine Intervention in deciding sporting events," then adding with a chuckle, "He never really liked Barry Bonds."

Who Else Hates Chris Rose?

2011-11-24T21:49:00.001-08:00

I'll admit it...When the Cardinals are having a lousy season, I can't stand watching anything on television that is going to remind me of that fact. Usually, that means staying clear of the likes of ESPN - especially the MLB Network - after all, baseball is their only topic of discussion, and sooner or later, they're going to talk about how horrible the Cards are playing. I don't need to hear it!

On the other hand, when the Cardinals are playing well, and are in contention, I'll stay glued to MLB to savor my favorite team's success - although there are times certain analysts don't seem to give the Redbirds credit for being as good as they really are.

For the most part, I like those guys; most of them either played the game with a good degree of success for a long time (Larry Bowa, Harold Reynolds, Sean Casey, Al Leiter, and so forth), or they have been exposed to the nuances for a long enough time to figure things out - for the most part.

Really, there's only one guy over there who drives me crazy - the co-host of "Intentional Talk" - that arrogant, condescending, and not-too-bright jackass, Chris Rose. I hate him.

I don't hate anybody else; just him. His co-host is former major league player, Kevin Millar, who knows much more about baseball than Rose - actually, a six-year old kid typically knows more about baseball that Rose - yet Millar's opinions are frequently scoffed and ridiculed by that pompous ass on the other side of the screen; or, even in agreement, will state so grudgingly, as if his approval on any issue is necessary to make it valid. His annoying platitudes include:

"I get it." - He usually doesn't.

"I'm okay with that." - Big deal; his opinion is worthless.

"I'm not okay with that." - Usually means whatever he's "not okay with" is actually quite okay.

It's his penchant for being a complete jerk by trying to stir up controversy that really sets him apart from most impartial reporters. Before the World Series even began, Rose dredged up some obscure radio interview Cards right fielder Lance Berkman gave last January, on a Houston radio station, explaining why he chose to sign with St Louis - and not the Texas Rangers. As it turned out, Berkman would have to eat his words, but the matter was resolved around the All-Star break, making Rose look like an idiot for trying to stir up trouble to begin with.

His next target was Albert Pujols. After Game Two, Rose sarcastically noted that Pujols had failed to get any hits, going 0 for 6. Of course, in Game One, Albert was hit by a pitch and drew a base on balls, which resulted in a run scored for his team, but that didn't seem to register with that jerk. Also, in Game Two, Pujols absolutely crushed a ball to right center field on a cold night, which was caught at the wall. Ordinarily,. it's gone. Still, prior to Game Three, the implication was Albert was in the midst of a horrible hitting slump; that he was letting his team down; that he basically sucked.

Clearly, Rose didn't "get it", and I'm "not okay with that".

We all know what happened in Game Three - Pujols ties Babe Ruth and Reggie Jackson, by slamming three home runs - the only other players to accomplish that feat in a World Series game. He also tied Paul Molitor as the only players to get five hits in a single World Series game. Oh yeah; he also knocked in six runs and scored four times. Not a bad night, eh Chris? Do you get it?

After the thrilling outcome of Game Six - capped off by David Freese's incredible walk-off home run - Kevin Millar said it was the greatest game he'd ever witnessed - Chris Rose was also there, somehow covering the game for Fox - and his demeanor suggested he really didn't "get it", as he causally remarked, "Yeah, it was a good game" (or something to that effect). Yawn.

After the Cardinals completed their highly improbable Seven Game World Series triumph, Rose sneered at the notion that what the Redbirds had accomplished was in essence, a miracle. Like a dumb-ass, he comes up with this astute observation: "If you want to find a more unlikely champion, just turn the way-back machine to 2006, when the Cardinals only won 83 games, but still won the World Series." Sure, the 2011 Cards won 90 games, but they barely got into the post season - as a wild card - on the very last day of the season; and that was largely facilitated by Atlanta's total collapse as the season wound down. Consider this: The Cardinals trailed the Braves by three games with only five games to play. I don't know what the odds were for them to overcome that deficit with so few remaining games to be played - maybe 100 to 1?

Then, facing Philadelphia in the NLDS, after losing the first game, they were down in Game Two, four zip, with Cliff Lee pitching for Philly. Final score: Cards 5 - Phillies 4. What were the odds for that outcome, I wonder? 50 to 1? 25 to 1? After losing Game Three to Philadelphia, at home, they needed to win two games in a row against the team most experts figured was the best in baseball. They did it, with the Game Five pitching duel between Cards ace, Chris Carpenter and Philly super-ace Roy Halladay, going to the Redbirds, 1-0. Odds, anyone?

Facing elimination in Game Six of the World Series, the Cardinals trailed the Rangers by two runs on two separate occasions in that contest - when they were down to their last strike in both instances. Rallying from that deficit, not once, but twice - is unprecedented in post season play; let alone World Series play. Something like that may not happen again for another hundred years, or longer; way longer.

Chris Rose not only doesn't get it; he doesn't get it by a lot; and he's got to act like a complete jerk in the process; and that should annoy the hell out of any knowledgeable baseball fan who has to listen to this idiot spouting off on his stupid little show. As a final dig at Redbird hero Lance Berkman, Rose tries to rile up St Louis fans by pointing out a comment Lance made on a Houston radio program - something to the effect, "I only wish I'd won the World Series playing for the Astros; that would have been even more special."

Chris Rose's agenda is simple - trump up some controversy whenever possible, even when the issue being trumped up is inconsequential. He's a total weasel when he pulls stuff like this; he does it all the time, making him a despicable full-time weasel in my book.

Oh sure, I'll continue watching the MLB Network on a regular basis; after all, I love baseball. I may just have to hit the mute button from time to time, whenever Chris Rose opens up his pie-hole, telling everyone how much he gets it. He'll never get it.

Retirement was boring, anyway...

2011-01-18T23:20:00.000-08:00

It's been a great decade. I "retired" on January 1, 2001 from my high-paying job with Enterprise Rent-a-Car, thinking I had enough money to stay retired. Ten years later, I've discovered that my financial planning wasn't so "well planned", and now that I don't have any "income", it's going to be nearly impossible to stay on the sidelines very much longer, and expect to continue buying all that crazy stuff - like food, for example.

Did you miss me, corporate America? Anyone looking for a smart guy like me to run their multi-billion dollar corporation for a nominal yearly fee? I'd be willing to settle for one tenth of what I was making with Enterprise...If that sounds like a bargain for my future employer, consider that I was raking in close to four million dollars a year when my past employer deciced enough was enough. Jerks.

It's one thing getting whacked when you suck at your job. It's another thing getting whacked when you're on top of your game; when you're outperforming 75% of the other general managers in the corporation...But that's what happened, folks. And due to a series of bad investments and bad economic occurances over the past ten years (I never quite recovered from 9/11), I find myself in need of another source of income, aside from the huge royalties that come from writing books. That last comment was totally sarcastic. If I had to survive from that occupation, I'd do just fine if I didn't have to buy anything at all; up to and including food.

Retirement was boring, anyway. Now all I have to do is find a job again, at my advanced age. No problemo. This could be the makings of another hilarious book. Of course, writing the thing would have to be done during my lunch hours, weekends, holidays, and whatever vacation time I can accrue with my new outfit. I'm sure I'll figure something out. In the meantime, feel free to buy my books; every little bit helps.

Life Under the Corporate Microscope - A Maverick's Irreverent Perspective http://bit.ly/b2pBY

St Louis Cardinals IQ - The Ultimate Test of True Fandom - Volume 1 (No link available, but you can find it on Amazon if you plug in the title)

Bye bye. See you in the office!

"You Oughta Go"

2010-08-04T01:06:00.000-07:00

Alanis Morissette was probably quite justified when she penned her little tirade against an old boyfriend in the hit song, "You Oughta Know". It became the anthem of pissed off women everywhere, giving hell to all those thoughtless cads for being such heartless jerks. I must admit, I like the song and sympathize with Alanis over her devastating breakup. I hope she's found a decent boyfriend since then; she deserves it.

I often wondered what the ex's rebuttal would sound like, and I'm surprised there hasn't been a parody to this song; maybe there has been and I just missed it. If not, here's my masterpiece for your listening pleasure. I call this one "You Oughta Go", because it rhymes with "know" and it gives a whole different perspective on things. Again, this is only a silly rebuttal, for entertainment purposes only. This is not based on any people or events, living or dead, so help me God. Any similarities to anyone in the world is strictly a coincidence; okay?

"You Oughta Go"

I want you to know, I'm happy for me, too
I wish nothing but the best for me, too
A kinder version of you
Not always bitching like you
And she likes to go to the theatre
She speaks rationally
At times we may disagree
But unlike you she's never threatened to kill me

'cause the love that I gave that we made wasn't able
To make it enough for me to not break up with you
And every time I speak her name
I'm glad it's her - not you - I'm talking to
I'd wanna die, wanna die
But I'm still alive

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you made when you wouldn't leave
It's not fair to deny me
A little peace of mind to set me free
You, you, you oughta go

I'm doing very well, free from Hell
You're not quite as well, so what else is new?
How could I forget about you Miss Coldhearted-Shrew
You always bug me in the middle of dinner
Now my potatoes are cold, this routine is so old
Why can't you call while I'm not eating?

'cause the love that I gave that we made wasn't able
To make it enough for me to not break up with you
And every time I speak her name
I'm glad it's her - not you - I'm talking to
I'd wanna die, wanna die
But I'm still alive

And I'm here to remind you
Of the mess you made when you wouldn't leave
It's not fair to deny me
A little peace of mind to set me free
You, you, you oughta go

'cause the joke that I laid on the bed that was you
And you are gonna fade
As soon as I close my eyes and I'm happy
And every time you scratch you nails down someone else's back
Of course I don't feel it...you must be crazy

Well I'm her to remind you
Of the mess you made when you wouldn't leave
It's not fair to deny me
A little peace of mind to set me free
You, you, you oughta go

TA-DA!

If you haven't already read my book, Life Under the Corporate Microscope, here's your chance. I guarantee there are no stupid song parodies; just honest and irreverent commentary on the state of affairs in Corporate America. Order on Amazon: http://bit.ly/b2pBY

If St Louis Cardinals baseball is your bag, you'll certainly want to read my latest book -St Louis Cardinals IQ - The Ultimate Test of True Fandom (Volume 1) - 250 fun-filled trivia questions to challenge even the most diehard fan, like YOU!

2010 All-Star Game Predictions

2010-06-29T15:30:00.000-07:00

Last year, I boldly (and erroneously) predicted the National League would prevail in baseball's legendary Mid-Summer Classic. After all, I reasoned, St Louis was hosting the game, as its great player, Albert Pujols would probably hit a home run every time he came to the plate. I mean, why wouldn't he?

Not quite. In fact, Albert's first inning error helped produce an unearned run for the American League, while his bat remained dormant throughout the game. Ironically, it was the other St Louis hero, Yadier Molina, who provided the early excitement for the St Louis fans, temporarily putting the senior curcuit on top with a run scoring single; or was it a double? Whatever it was, it wasn't enough to prevent the inevitable from happening.

The American League won again; and guess what? They're going to win again this year; and so on and so forth. That's just the way it is. I realize this now. I'm so much smarter now than I was a year ago.

The final score of this year's debacle will, of course, be 1-0. I figure the game should be over by the 13th inning or so. The run will, of course, be unearned. In fact, both teams will muster maybe two hits between them. Welcome to the New Year of the Pitcher: 2010. You thought 1968 was dominated by pitching? Ha! After this year's in the books, they'll probably lower the mound once again; this time, the hurlers will have to deliver their pitches from a small ravine; maybe three or four feet deep. Yeah, that sounds fair.

With that slight advantage, maybe next year the hitters will avoid being "no-hit" with the startling regularity we're seeing in 2010. Thank God, Jim Joyce blew that call at first base; a third perfect game would've made the whole feat seem so pedestrian.

Of course, there's an entire second half of pitching heroics to unfold. If Jamie Moyer throws a perfect game, don't be too surprised; after all, he's only a couple of years away from collecting social security. He could go on for another few seasons. After all, he's lefthanded. That always seems to help prolong the life of any pitcher; especially when hitters can't hit much of anything these days.

Think they miss their daily dose of steroids, kids?

40 Terrific Business & Motivational Books

2010-05-24T03:39:00.000-07:00

Over the years, I've read hundreds (maybe thousands?) of books related to the subjects of "business" and "motivation". Most of the books I've read have been worthy efforst; some quite profound. Rarely have I read a boring or mundane book about anything, simply because I could usually spot them shortly after the introduction; maybe slightly past "chapter one". I don't count those brief forarys into mediocrity as having "read" those particular books. I'd stop before I wasted any more of my precious time. When you get to be my age, the last thing you want to do is waste any time on a futile activity, although one might argue that my attempt to play golf was a tremendous waste of time. After all, I sucked at golf; now I stick to bowling.

Certainly, my golf skills were never better than slightly "above average", and I had many embarassing moments on the links, however, I rarely had a round of golf that I didn't enjoy. Henceforth, my time spent hacking the ball from one side of the course to the other was time well-spent, simply because I had fun.

Reading boring books isn't fun.

Now that I'm a big-time Amazon author and reviewer, I thought it would be nice to share with the world the 40 business & motivational books that I really think have the most value. You won't be disappointed you perused these gems. Naturally, mine's on there, for two reasons: (1) I think it's great (2) I want you to buy it because I really believe you'll agree and I need the commission. Yes, there were three reasons there, disguised as two.

Big deal. Where would we be as a society without shameless self-promotion? Don't answer that.

Do read these books; you won't regret it.

http://www.amazon.com/My-Favorite-Business-amp-Motivational-Books/lm/R2Y1EK4PDF6ZLU/ref=cm_lm_byauthor_title_full

Arizona's Bad Rap (Again)

2010-05-20T03:05:00.000-07:00

Ever since Barry Goldwater's landslide defeat against Lyndon Johnson in 1964, many Americans have viewed the state of Arizona as predominantly right wing, anything but progressive, and even racist. After all, it was then governor Ev Meacham's ill-advised decision to not observe Martin Luther King Day in Arizona, back in the early '90s; setting off a tidal wave of national outrage.

Rightfully so. Frankly, I was embarassed to be an Arizonan. By '93, the proposition was finally approved, and Arizona joined the rest of the nation in celebrating the legacy of Dr King. Still, the lingering sentiment around the country was largely unfavorable, and more than a few people now labeled the state as "racist".

They still do. This time, the criticism is unfounded; stemming from a law that was recently passed which is designed to cut back on illegal immigration in the state. This is a real problem for those of us living here and our lawmakers finally took some decisive action to address the issue. What people who oppose the law don't understand, is it simply mirrors the federal law; only now, it gives local law enforcement officials the ability to enforce it.

Opponents decry this measure, claiming it will lead to discrimination and "racial profiling". Proponents point out that it will help rid the state of illegal immigrants who are increasing the rate of crime while glutting the already crowded workforce; costing legal residents some employment opportunities. In other words, it would be good for the general well-being of the population, and help spur the state's economic growth.

Sounds good to me. The vast majority of Arizonans agree; in fact, 70% think this law is fair. Nationally, the consensus isn't so overwhelming, although a slight majority think the law is reasonable (51%). The strong opposition comes from those who have a knee jerk reaction to anything that even comes close to broaching someone's "civil rights". Some have even gone so far as to claim these measures are "gestapo-like", comparing it to Hitler's persecution of the Jews.

Please. Asking someone to whip out their driver's license after they've been clocked at 90 heading up I-10, is a far cry from Auschwitz. If they can't produce a valid AZ driver's license, don't you think it would be reasonable to assume they may be running around this country illegally? Should they be allowed to stay? Was it violating their civil rights to have asked for a bit of ID?

Yes. No. Hell no.

Personally, I had a close encounter with the illegal immigration issue a little over five years ago. A car driven by a nice young lady with no form of identification, no insurance, and no comprehension of the English language, decided to make a U-turn just as the car I was driving was about to pass her. In the split second that she made the fateful maneuver, I had just enough time to swerve sharply to my left to avoid killing her. However, her car was whacked pretty good, and my entire right side was pulverized. As I recall, the repairs came to ten grand or so.

Not sure what happened to the lady with no license. The cops at the scene gave her a ticket for her violations, told me "She doesn't have insurance", and sent her on her merry way. No problemo. In the meantime, I've got to have State Farm cover this mess, since that's the only insurance available to cover it - mine. Now, imagine that scenario being played out thousands of times a year. Sure, it's illegal to drive a car with no insurance in the state of Arizona; but if you're here illegally to begin with...

See where this is going? Illegal immigration is a real issue. Arizona had the courage to deal with the issue head-on, because Washington, DC hasn't done much to help. Now, maybe President Obama will push for a more comprehensive federal law that works. He has already voiced his disapproval over it; now maybe, he'll come up with a reasonable alternative. Or not.

In the meantime, Arizona's taking heat from the misguided poplace; this time from all around the world. Even China is blasting it as a "violation of human rights". China? Violation of human rights? Well, they're certainly a progressive country when it comes to human rights. They haven't slaughtered more than a few hundred million citizens in their glorious history. Not bad, China; not bad at all.

Yeah, but Arizona is the villain in this instance? Sorry folks; not this time.

Piano Blues for Dummies

2010-04-04T10:31:00.000-07:00

I have a pretty good ear for music and can generally play anything I hear, on the keyboard, right along with the performer. I've jammed with the best of 'em; from Eric Clapton to BB King. If I hear the blues, I can play it in the right key, every time; no exceptions.

What's the secret to being able to jam with any artist? It's really quite simple; even dummies can do it (like me). Now, I'll teach you; a very smart person. I hope you have a piano or some sort of keyboard, so you can take advantage of your new found skill; if not, go out and buy one. You can afford it; the economy's booming again?

Okay, so you're still short on cash. Big deal; make the purchase, anyway. A lifetime of playing the blues is worth the investment. If you're fortunate enough to have already acquired that keyboard; when you still had money; congratulations. You're one step closer to becoming a semi-professional musician.

For the purposes of this lesson, I'm only going to deal with the white keys on the piano; I'm not racist; I love the black keys, too; however, I don't want to throw out too much information here and confuse you. I want to keep this simple, so even the dummies can figure it out.

As you know, there are seven white keys in every octave (and five black keys). If you start out at middle C (the key just to the left of the two black keys), and work your way up the scale, you'll find D...E...F...G...A...B. Then it starts all over again with C. In case you were wondering what a DEFGAB is; I don't know, either. I saw a comedy program on HBO a while back; something about "Def Comedy", but that has nothing to do with playing the blues. Also, if you don't know what an octave is, ask someone to explain it to you. Basically, it's the clump of keys on the piano that have seven white keys and five black keys! Okay?

You may ask why I'm not starting in alphabetical order (A...B...C...D...E...F...G). Good question. The reason: It's more confusing (for me) to find A on the piano. It's over by the three black keys, to the left of C, so it's kind of hard to spot. Okay?

Now, here's the deal. Every blues song in the world has the same "key structure" - the same combination of notes that blend in perfectly; always. There are five notes in every key that blend in. That leaves seven that don't blend in. If you hit one of those seven, you'll end up with something referred to as, "discord"; in other words, it sounds like Roseanne Arnold singing the National Anthem. If you hit the other five notes, it sounds like you're a part of the band. Congratulations. When's your next gig?

Since learning seven different key structures in one blog may be difficult for someone with no musical background; relax. I'm only going to cover the key of C today. Can you dig it? Who wants to play the blues in the key of C? You do? You're in luck.

Ideally, I'd have a diagram of the piano keys for you to refer to as I'm explaining this stuff to you; but I don't. However, with the information I'm going to give, you'll be able to figure it out, sooner or later; especially if you get someone with a few piano lessons under their belt to help you; if need be.

Here are the FIVE NOTES IN THE KEY OF C:

C...D#...F...G...A#

Now go out and play Howlin' Wolf's "I Ain't Superstitious" (Track 2 THE LONDON HOWLIN' WOLF SESSIONS). You'll love it.

The next lesson: Blues piano in the key of D.

In the meantime, practice the key of C, take two aspirin, and call me in the morning.

If you haven't already bought my book, Life Under the Corporate Microscope, here's your chance (It has nothing to do with playing the blues, but it's still highly entertaining). Just head on over to Amazon and grab a few cases to give to friends and family. It's a great entertainment value for the money.

http://bit.ly/b2pBY

I just completed another book, but it's still in the pre-publication phase; but look for it soon. It's called St Louis Cardinals IQ: The Ultimate Test of True Fandom (Volume 1)

From business to baseball to the blues; I do it all; sort of.

A Startling Economic Development

2010-03-27T05:52:00.000-07:00

I was at my local friendly grocery store the other day buying a few odds and ends; most notably, some chicken; specifically about a dozen or so drumsticks. As the cashier was ringing up my purchases, she took a look at the chicken and suggested to me that it "didn't look right".

"What's wrong with it?"

"It looks funny."

"Looks like a bunch of chicken legs to me", I surmised. "I'll take 'em."

"Well, okay; but if you decide later that they're no good, by all means bring them back for a full refund."

I thanked her for her dilligence, as I mentally pictured how that scenario would play out. I suppose after cooking these tainted drumsticks on the grill, I'd take one bite, realize they were indeed spoiled, vomit, wrap up the remains, and head back to the store with the evidence so I could be fully reimbursed for this travesty. Somehow, I couldn't see myself doing that. Some procedures just don't seem practical to make it worthwhile to engage in; dealing with bad chicken falls into that category.

I then mumbled something like, "Don't worry about it; we're only talking about four dollars here."

"Well sir, four dollars is four dollars!"

She was right; four dollars is four dollars. I googled it, just to make sure. Not only is four dollars four dollars, I surmised; five dollars is five dollars; and so on and so forth. During these trying economic times, it's good to know things like this. Of course I was startled by this revelation; but it makes perfect sense.

Finally, with the world economic meltdown that's crippled us over the past couple of years, we have some good news to savor. Four dollars is four dollars, and all is right with the world.

I hope that chicken's good. I'm hungry.

Hey, I just got finished with another book which is due to be released sometime in April. It's a St Louis Cardinals trivia challenge; 250 mind boggling questions to test your knowledge of your favorite team. I think it's going to sell for something like nine dollars. If you buy it and you don't like it, just wrap it up and send it back to me. I won't refund you any money, but if it's any consolation to you, nine dollars is still nine dollars.

While you're at it, why not buy another copy of my original masterpiece, Life Under the Corporate Microscope. It's available on Amazon: http://bit.ly/b2pBY

The Evolution of the Corporate Vice President

2010-01-07T12:32:00.000-08:00

The Corporate Vice President, or Corpus Evictus-cya, has a strange evolutionary history. Its appearance on our planet began about 20 years ago, although the exact date is still unknown. Records back in those days were somewhat informal, and largely incomplete. However, one thing is clear: The species began as what many believe to be real, live, human beings, before evolving into the familiar jellyfish we all know in today's mutated version. But how did it get here? Is it going to continue evolving; perhaps grow a spine; perhaps have a useful purpose in Corporate America? Don't count on it.

However, understanding the evolutionary history of the Corpus Evictus-cya will help us prepare for whatever it has in store for future generations of backstabbing victims. With enough knowledge, perhaps our children's children will live in some better world; with no budget deficits, bailouts or government subsidies. We can only hope.

For the purposes of this particular study, the "Corporate Vice President" will simply be referred to as the "CVP"; those they undermine will be referred to as "us", or "we"; the hard working business people in Corporate America who try to be productive in our jobs; and who try to engage employees in being productive, as well, with no hidden agendas. Despite the insidious nature of the CVP, we aren't on the verge of extinction - yet. Strangely enough, we outnumber CVPs by a wide margin, although they possess the lethal backstabbing capabilities which can be unleashed at any moment; preparation is our best defense.

The most often asked question I've encountered is simply, "Where did they come from; why are they here?" From my research, it appears the CVP originated sometime around the end of the Reagan Administration, although there is no direct link between politics and Corporate America, as far as the early stages of CVP development is concerned. Early forms of CVP appeared friendly; even useful. They demonstrated human characteristics, seemed to have a logical thought process, and showed no signs of malice. Certainly, they possessed tremendous strength, and were capable of killing us at the drop of a hat; but they were good-natured and friendly; they liked us and wanted us to continue our evolutionary journey, just as much as we wanted to keep going. It seemed to be a good balance of nature.

Then, sometime in the early '90s, something happened to our common sense; it seemed to go away. It all started with the legal system; wrongful termination lawsuits started proliferating, along with sexual harrasment lawsuits; then, it seemed like everyone was being discriminated against, in one way or another. This was good news for the attorneys in America; and whatever is good news for attorneys means bad news for the vast majority of honest, hard-working people. Even businesses that had good intentions were becoming victimized by the malicious attorneys looking to score a jackpot for their scumbag clients; soon, most big businesses in Corporate America were being run in a climate of fear and loathing; and that's when the CVPs began losing their "human" characteristics; early forms of CVP resembled rodent-like animals in the wild - the badger and the weasel were the most common forms of CVP; they were dangerous but were so hostile, or slovenly that they could be warded off with a clever approach. Some forms of CVP were amusing, but you could tell that they had devious intentions by listening to their diatribes; they spoke in riddles; corporate speak. It sounded good, but the recipients knew it was for show.

The CVP knew the game had long since evolved into a matter of "kill or be killed"; they knew their best chance for survival with the CEOs of Corporate America was to stay out of harm's way, while throwing others under the bus. That's when their spines disappeared; and that's when they became even more lethal - they lulled their victims into a false sense of security by disappearing into their cubicles, and slithering around the corporate office, trying to avoid any contact with the CEOs or their agents of doom - the second or third in command.

Of course, eventually, the CVPs had to come out of hiding and make their presense felt with those they "supervise"; to justify their existence, they knew they had to start creating problems - which only they could fix. The problems, were of course, "us". "We" were somehow screwing something or other up; it didn't matter if the problems were fictitious; all that mattered was the problems needed to be addressed.

When "addressing" the problems; or the "issues"; the CVP's lack of a spine comes in handy; it enables them to deal with all that stress from the CEOs without sustaining any damage to their organs; and because they're so flexible, they fit almost anywhere, and are easy to care for. They never complain; and they never say anything that will cause the CEOs any aggravation. In short, they've evolved into the perfect life form for survival in Corporate America.

Is it any wonder we're in the shape we're in today? The solution is simple; but who's going to do it? Who's going to get rid of the spineless jellyfish known as the Corporate Vice President? It's going to take the enlightened CEO with enough sense to realize this species should be extinct by now; they're no longer needed.

In fact, if the CEOs don't realize this very soon, they may find themselves becoming extinct, as well.

For my first hand account of life in Corporate America, buy my book: Life Under the Corporate Microscope on Amazon: http://bit.ly/b2pBY or visit my author's webpage: www.outskirtspress.com/LarryUnderwood

New Year's Resolution Suggestion to Corporate America

2009-12-24T20:08:00.000-08:00

After spending 26 years working for the car rental giant - Enterprise Rent-a-Car - I became all too familiar with the way big corporations run their...enterprises.

As we all know, the vast majority of big companies in corporate America are run by humorless bureaucracies that don't really understand what it takes to operate in a manner conducsive to achieving maximum productivity. They may think they do, but they don't have a clue.

If you work for a big company, chances are you agree with that assessment; unless of course, you happen to be the CEO. If you're the CEO of a major corporation, you probably don't understand why most of the employees working under you don't seem to like their jobs. You don't understand why just about everyone you oversee has an "attitude problem"; after all, they have jobs, so they should be grateful; they should work harder. What's wrong with them?

The problem is you, pal. Maybe you're not a pompous, self-absorbed tyrant; maybe you're actually a nice enough person; but you're clueless when it comes to running your...enterprise.

Let me fill you in on what I observed during my 26 years of faithful service to Enterprise. It's a scenario that plays out repeatedly in big business; especially when a relatively small company achieves some measure of success; that's ususally when the trouble begins; they get too big for their own good and start changing their operational structure, and worse; they lose focus on how they should deal with employees. Sound familiar?

When I began my Enterprise career (1974) they were just a little regional company that had a knack for providing great customer service; just as important, they provided a great working environment for their employees, gave them fantastic career opportunities, and turned 'em loose.

It was simple formula for success, and it worked quite well; the company grew like crazy, and guys like me became upper level managers, making tons of money in the process. By the mid '90s, Enterprise had grown to become the largest and most profitable car rental company in North America; all seemed well in paradise.

But a funny thing happened on the way to becoming Number One; they moved their corporate office to a big, new, fancy facility and started adding layer upon layer of additional corporate management. It seemed logical; after all, Enterprise was now a corporate giant, and corporate giants are supposed to have gigantic corporate headquarters, staffed with all sorts of important people running around trying to look like they're doing something; sound familiar?

Welcome to Corporate America; an overstaffed and inefficient bureaucracy; where micromanagement, finger pointing, and backstabbing reign supreme. In this hostile environment, is it any wonder things are in such a mess?

It doesn't have to be this way; the solution to much of Corporate America's woes requires a pardigm shift in the way most hierarchial operations conduct business. This requires a tremendous leap of faith from the CEOs, themselves; they've got to place more trust in their management teams in the field; a successful organization gives the maximum level of autonomy to its high level managers; let them do their jobs! Cut the red tape, the useless reports, and the fruitless meetings; focus on the things that really matter in running the business. By concentrating on providing better service for the customers and creating a positive work environment for the employees, everybody wins.

That's the way any good business should operate; unfortunately, that's not the way many businesses are operating nowadays; I witnessed the corporate bureaucracy first hand; especially during the last four or five years of my career.

Being subjected to unreasonable scrutiny - living under the corporate microscope - was a very stressful time for me; but at least it made for a pretty good book; and I know I was doing a good job for the company.

That's good enough for me.

Larry Underwood wrote Life Under the Corporate Microscope - A Maverick's Irreverent Perspective

To order directly on Amazon: http://bit.ly/b2pBY

Or check out the author's webpage: http://www.outskirtspress.com/LarryUnderwood

Vindication

2009-12-04T20:29:00.000-08:00

I don't care how think your skin is, if you get whacked from your job, it's going to hurt. It's been almost nine years since my last day with Enterprise Rent-a-Car, and I don't really think I ever really admitted it (even to myself), but getting forced out of my job really hurt my ego. Sure, I knew I was still doing a worthy job, and the decision to gas me was driven by economics (although the company never admitted it), but it never feels good to be told you're no longer welcome with the company you spent over a quarter of a century toiling with.

But, shit happens. I got whacked, and I had to move on. I suppose I could've landed another job, but the prospect of going back to work for another slice of corporate America didn't really appeal to me; so I stayed retired, licking my wounds; trying to heal my bruised ego. Whatever.

It's been nearly a year since I published my iconoclastic masterpiece, Life Under the Corporate Microscope---A Maverick's Irreverent Perspective; and I must say, I think it's even better than I originally thought. Wow.

You see, when I first wrote it, I thought it was merely a little historical perspective about the company that grew to dominate the car rental industry---Enterprise. Sure, it was irreverent as hell, and packed with more LOLs than just about any "business" book ever written; but, is that really saying much? Come on.

What I've recently come to realize is, this book is much more than some humorous recollection of the car rental industry from some talented, fun-loving executive. The fact of the matter is, this book represents "the truth" about corporate America, and how it's morphed into a humorless, fear-based micro-managing bureaucracy, that is really only good at draining the life out of its employees. Enterprise is really no better or worse than the vast majority of corporate America; it merely represents a typical slice of that stifling, oppressive work environment which everyone loves to hate. The culture of fear permeates the entire organization, because that's what corporate America does best---intimidate and alienate its employees. It's no wonder employee engagment is so fragmented everywhere you look; it all starts at the top of any organization, and works its magic down through the disillusioned front-line employees.

Nobody's having fun at work anymore; hell, I used to have a blast every day, toiling in the trenches, making close to nothing, while working my ass off for 60 or 70 hours a week. To me, work was recreation; a chance to mingle with my friends while we were in the process of creating something very special. We didn't really know for sure that this company would grow to dominate a very competitive industry; but that's what happened. We were a vibrant, fun-loving enterprise and most importantly, we knew ownership really cared about us.

At that time, "ownership" was not some faceless corporate hierarchy; it was the man himself---Jack Taylor---probably the greatest entrepreneur to ever walk the face of the earth; and I mean that with all my heart. When the inevitable process of age put Jack Taylor on the sidelines, the company started acting like a big corporation; certainly, they have long since become a huge corporation, but as long as Jack was in charge, they refused to act like one.

Jack was a truly humble man; self efacing and good hearted; a man who really cared about people---customers and employees alike; it was the magic formula for incredible success. Unfortunately, when companies grow too big for their own good, they often lose that sense of loyalty towards people; short term profit rules the roost. Senior managers, who were paid handsomely for their efforts---based on performance---were now considered expendable; that of course, includes me.

Less skilled replacements were brought in; sure, they were paid less, but they were also performing at a lower level of competency. Very few upper level managers from my last year on the job are still around; one by one, they've been getting whacked; business as usual in corporate America.

What a mess. Interestingly enough, there have been many fine books that have been published over the last few years which identify the problems in corporate America, and offer very real solutions to fix the disaster. Will anyone ever listen though? With the enormous egos of the majority of the CEOs running amok out there, the future doesn't bode well.

One thing I have realized however, is I'm a goddamned smart fellah; if I were in charge of some big corporation, I'd listen. You better believe it, baby; I'd listen.

Yeah, check out my website so you can order my masterpiece: http://www.outskirtspress.com/LarryUnderwood

"We Come in Peace!"

2009-11-10T15:06:00.000-08:00

The hilarious satire, "Mars Attacks!", was made well over a decade ago, yet its outrageous social and political humor is even more applicable today than it was at the time of its initial release; during the relatively tranquil Clinton administration.

Yes, those were the days. "Homeland Security" as far as our former President was concerned, consisted of keeping Hilary out of the Oval Office, to allow him enough time to enjoy a good cigar. I wonder if any of the Secret Service guys were enlisted as Bill's "wingmen"? I wouldn't doubt it. After all, Clinton was one of our most engaging head-honchos; a charming silver tongued devil who knew how to get what he wanted out of people. Let's not forget; he did a pretty good job of running the affairs of state (no pun intended).

He was a darned good leader; forget the guy's character flaws. Clinton certainly had a great admiration for our late, great President, John F Kennedy; including his free-wheeling lifestyle. Enough said.

Getting back to the motion picture industry; what makes "Mars Attacks!" the hilarious iconoclastic phenomenon that it became, was the brilliant parody it portrayed of American life; in all its banal, gullible, superficial and self-serving splendor. The premise is quite simple: The Martians decide to pay a visit to Planet Earth, and after a few conference calls back and forth (but no lunch), agree to meet the United States' military representatives out in the Nevada desert (Parumph), not far from the entertainment capital of the universe---Las Vegas. I suppose Parumph was chosen, just in case our visitors might be feeling a bit frisky after the long trip from Mars; but I don't think earth girls were what these aliens had in mind when they landed.

After an elaborately planned dose of pomp and circumstance greets our new friends from outer space, the Martian leader steps forward to address the world. His words bring immediate joy and relief to the masses attending this historic gathering: "We come in peace!"

At that point, some clown in the crowd, rejoices "They come in peace!" and proceeds to let a white dove of peace fly around, oh so peacefully...for about two seconds. The stunned Martians zap the poor little birdie (into pieces), along with dozens of not-so-smart military and civilian personnel at the scene. It was total (hilarious) chaos.

If that's their idea of "coming in peace", I'd hate to see how they'd act in they "came in violence". Holy galactic calamity, Batman!

But wait! It was all just a "cultural misunderstanding". Clearly, that bird was a sign of "aggression" on the part of the earthlings; at least that's what our fearless leader---our President---determined, after a meeting with his so-called "brain trust". After all, they did say they "came in peace", didn't they? Surely, they're not lying about something like that. That just wouldn't be fair.

The next meeting with the Martians is even more disatrous, as they zap 90% of Congress out of office (not a bad idea, really) right there on national television. By this time, the President realizes this could be trouble.

In the end, most of the earth's population is wiped out, but the survivors do manage to use a little American ingenuity to defeat those demons, in a hilarious conclusion to the flick. The heroes, a young man who works in a rural donut shop and his lovably demented granny, receive medals for their efforts, amid all the rubble that was once the White House. The planet will continue, on a much smaller and simpler format; and that's what makes it a happy ending. We're starting over, from scratch. Maybe, the second time around, we'll have a clue.

I suppose it's human nature to want to believe what we hear from strangers; or from our politicians, for that matter. We want to believe them, if they're telling us what we want to hear. It's much more convenient than doubting them; resistance can be so inconvenient; so unpopular. It's always easier to jump on the bandwagon. Certainly, what "everybody" is doing must be right; so the rationale goes.

Wrong. People make mistakes all the time; including who we vote into office. It's great strategy for a politician to claim to be "transparent". It's another thing for them to really live up to that claim. We must keep an eye on those in Washington, DC.

Trusting our politicians is about as sensible as trusting those little devious aliens from the movie.

"We come in peace". Yeah. Right.

Larry Underwood is a corporate cynic, a government watch dog, and the author of Life Under the Corporate Microscope.

Visit his Author's Webpage for more information on the book that shook corporate America. It's also very hilarious. http://www.outskirtspress.com/LarryUnderwood

The Book That's Shaking Corporate America

2009-10-28T16:09:00.001-07:00

Corporate America doesn't like being exposed for what they are---a humorless, bureaucratic, backstabbing, micro-managing mess. Not only that, they're doing a lousy job of producing goods and services that are really "good enough" to make them a decent profit.

So they lose money. When they lose money, they blame the economy, as they lay off thousands of loyal employees...now "ex"-employees. And so it goes.

Employee morale? Forget about it. They hate their jobs.

Productivity? Well, with everyone running around hating their jobs, let's just say, productivity is "diminished".

What happened?

After (26) years of hands on research, as an active member of Corporate America (a top executive with Enterprise Rent-a-Car), I saw what can happen to an otherwise fine company when they get too big for their own good.

They lose its sense of humor. They discourage its employees from having any fun at all. Instead, they instill a culture of fear throughout its organizations, which leads to the aforementioned micro-managing and backstabbing. In other words, Corporate America has become a bastion of pompous stupidity, where any dissenting points of view are usually met with a swift boot out the door. Who's going to have the courage to disagree with the CEO?

In this environment, is it any wonder so many businesses have failed? Nobody wants to tell the head-honchos of Corporate America their strategies are flawed; their greed and hubris is misguided. So the culture of fear becomes an abysmal pit of failure.

What a mess.

Don't worry. I know how to fix it. In my book, Life Under the Corporate Microscope, I narrate a story which will entertain and enlighten you. It's a quick read which you won't want to put down. It's guaranteed to provide you with more LOLs than any other business book. But that's not saying much, eh?

No, it's guaranteed to make you LOL about as much as any book on the market. Well, I can't really guarantee that, but I do feel good about that statement. I'm 99.44% sure you'll love it. How's that?

If you don't like your job---whether or not you happen to work for Enterprise---you'll get a kick out of my irreverent perspective. If you do like your job; congratulations. You're either the boss or you don't work for a big corporation. You'll still love my book.

To order directly through Amazon: http://bit.ly/b2pBY

To check out my Author's Webpage: http://www.outskirtspress.com/LarryUnderwood

Corporate America's Love Affair With Washington, DC

2009-10-18T06:06:00.001-07:00

It doesn't matter if a liberal Democrat or a conservative Republican is in the White House; nor does it matter which party is controlling Congress.

What matters for the vast majority of fat cat CEOs in Corporate America is being able to manipulate those politicians running this country; to follow their specific agendas, which may or may not be so good for "we, the people", or the overall economy.

Although most big corporations prefer to have a Republican administration running the country (only because manipulating them is easier), they'll act like good Democrats if necessary; they're very good chameleons.

What makes them good chameleons is money.

Money is used to control legislation, and it's all very legal. The conveniently legal way to pay off politicians is through lobbyists, who are paid by the CEOs to pay off the politicians.

Say hello to Corporate America and Washington DC's little friend: The Political Action Committee, aka "PAC" (man).

Personally, I think the politicians should receive no extra compensation for doing their jobs. Instead, they're taking money from the fat cats in exchange for favorable legislation to keep the fat cats fat.

This is nothing new. It's been going on for ages. It'll keep going on for ages. Money has power and Washington DC's power brokers call the shots---to a certain extent. There's a beautiful balance of corruption there, however. The power brokers need the fat cats' money, so the nefarious relationship will always endure. And "we the people" are screwed.

Sure, "we" can vote the corrupt politicians out of office, but there's a two to four year lag time of corruption taking place. Besides, since the corruption---the payola---is across the board, there's really no difference between the power brokers. They're really all the same; and they can never, ever be trusted. Never, ever.

As millions of Americans are increasingly frustrated with the current adminstration's handling of every issue imaginable; remember this---Corporate America (along with the liberal media) is engaged in a (slobbering?) love affair with Barrack Hussein Obama---The Master of Economic Trauma.

How else do you explain all the bailouts? In a true free-market economy, bailouts would be a preposterous notion. However, this isn't a true free-market economy.

The Federal Government is controlling the economy, and doing a lousy job of it. We're becoming a socialistic bailout nation, with little regard for the financial implications. Why? Politicians don't care about the long-term effects of their poor economic policy. They care about one thing, and one thing only: MONEY.

And Corporate America will keep doling it out, to keep this vicious cycle of corruption going.

Ironically, MONEY does make the world go 'round. The people who have it, often don't deserve it. Welcome to Obama Nation.

Larry Underwood is the Author of Life Under the Corporate Microscope---A Maverick's Irreverent Perspective http://www/outskirtspress.com/LarryUnderwood

Wading Through the Jungle of Amazon

2009-10-16T00:35:00.000-07:00

I wrote a book, Life Under the Corporate Microscope, chronicling my 26 year career with the car rental giant, Enterprise. It's been selling at a pretty good pace on Amazon, although not what I envisioned when I first published it early this year.

I figured every living ex-employee and every living current employee (redundant, eh?) would want a copy (or 2...or 3) to call their very own. Then reality set it. Sure, it's getting read by a lot of people, but it's been surprisingly "shared" by a fairly large circle of cronies. Book sharing? I suppose in this economy, saving a few bucks is important...

Just when I was on the verge of abandoning my marketing efforts, I've noticed a sharp spike in sales. I suppose "word of mouth" is helping out, or maybe it's all those reviews I've done on Amazon over the past several months. I read a lot; and I review a lot.

According to the head of Outskirts Press, my self-publisher (the cost effective way to go)---a guy by the name of Brent Sampson---it you really want your book to be a best-seller on Amazon, you'd better get busy doing those reviews...lots of 'em. Currently, I'm closing in on the 300 review plateau...

When people log on to Amazon to check out the latest bestseller, they'll more than likely see a review from me, Uncle Larry. If they like what I've written in the review section, they might be even tempted to actually buy one of my masterpieces. It really is good; I just polished off another reading session last night, and I think I'm appreciating its brilliance more with time (why, I don't know).

Of course, another marketing ploy is becoming a credible authority in the world of the internet. I've been hooked on Twitter for six months now and I've got a base of "followers" over 4000 now. By engaging in real time conversation with these folks, I'm building credibility...and some of those fellow Twitter-ers...have been checking out this book. Very clever, indeed...

Now, I've got to accomplish two missions if I'm going to keep the sales momentum going...

NUMBER 1: I need the public to head over to Amazon buy my book; and very importantly post a 5 star review for my wonderful book. For your safety and convenience, here's the direct link to get you over there: http://bit.ly/b2pBY

NUMBER 2: I need the public to head over to Amazon and read my stellar reviews as well. At the conclusion of my enlightening and engaging review, when asked if my review was helpful...vote YES! I guarantee that review was helpful; take my word for it---more help from me to you.

Thanks for visiting. I'll return again when I have something relevent to post...

Now go buy a (another) copy of my book...Everybody needs at least 5 or 6...They make great stocking stuffers and whatnot...

Still not convinced? Go to my Author's Web-Page: http://www.outskirtspress.com/LarryUnderwood

Is the Bad Economy Tempting Corporations to Do Bad Things?

2009-08-24T03:01:00.000-07:00

Even when Corporate America was making tons of money, there were a lot of shady things going on with that gang of thieves; usually, revolving around that dynamic duo of "greed & hubris".

Economists and other experts close to the scene have written books by the score, recounting the worst global financial crisis since The Great Depression. The failure of capitalism, the housing crisis, the failure of common sense, and the failure of Wall Street have been the most compelling topics of failure.

Naturally, these books recounting all these failures have been bestsellers; at least something's succeeding in this economy.

In the meantime, as corporations continue struggling with layoffs and less than stellar earnings, I wonder how many of them have begun cutting corners and started doing some unethical things in order to make a few extra bucks. And when they get caught, their response is to blame it on a "glitch". Sure, a "glitch" explains it all.

Sorry, I'm not buying it.

Recently, Enterprise Rent-a-Car purchased approximately 66,000 Chevrolet Impalas and decided to save $175 per car by deleting the passenger side panel air bag. In other words, they callously decided that $11.5 million in their coffers was more important than putting thousands of customers (and employees) at risk while all those cars were in service. Let's assume that they had those cars in service for an average of 18,000 miles per vehicle. That's nearly 12 million unsafe miles for those cars to be driven. I wonder how many accidents occurred in those instances where a passenger was hurt or killed due to the missing air bags?

It gets worse.

Enterprise recently turned around and sold hundreds of those air bag challenged Impalas to unsuspecting buyers, claiming the cars were fully equipped, air bags and all. Luckily, they got caught and the story was exposed in a recent Kansas City Star investigation. Enterprise was caught red-handed. It was bad enough they put the cars in service without the air bags; but they lied about it when they sold the cars to people who apparently paid for the phantom air bags and drove those cars with that nice feeling of safety thinking those air bags might save their passengers' lives if they were plowed into by some drunk driver. Nope.

So now Enterprise has been exposed. The cat's out of the bag. What's their explanation? "Uh, it was a glitch."

A "glitch"? That's nice sounding business jargon that completely skirts the issue. Exactly how did the "glitch" occur in so many different vehicles in so many different locations across the country? I'd really like to know.

I'm wondering if any investigation is going to be performed on this "glitch"? Or has Enterprise PAC money bought their way out of trouble with the political power brokers? I've got a feeling that this story is going to be buried and the public relations spin doctors will concoct a convenient explanation how this whole thing was still just some mysterious "glitch"; but don't worry...It's fixed now. Thank you very much and have a nice day.

I'm sorry, Enterprise.

I still not buying it.

I know how you operate.

This time, your cost cutting measures went just a little too far.

Twitter Power Becomes More Powerful Each Day

2009-07-27T16:26:00.000-07:00

I love Twitter. Chances are, so do you. Where else can you crawl out of bed, and joke with somebody from Australia about their sloppy housekeeping habits over your first cup of coffee? Then a minute later, you could be engaged in some philosophical debate with a transplanted American now living in Sweden; and then it's time to catch up with your core base of personal favorites---to see how the Giants did last night, or if that tornado touched down in Houston.

How hot is Twitter? Incindiary. Heck, six months ago, I thought Twitter was some silly gimmick to add flair to your emails. That was my first reaction. I thought it sounded silly. It's anything but silly; it's a very, very powerful way to connect with the world, in real time, 140 limit character posts, aka "tweets". The power of Twitter can kill a bad movie's box office total in a flash. To me, that's not a bad thing. It might force Hollywood to start making better flicks.

In Washington, DC, the use of Twitter has actually been banned by the President. It seems as though the leader of ObamaNation is worried about the bad publicity that's been building within the once liberal based core of Twitters. The once "silent minority" is silent no longer. My favorite, is an outrageous stock broker from Phoenix, Todd Fritz, aka @thewonderbroker. The guy's hilarious in his disdain for Obama and his love for his old home town Brewers. He's a free-wheeling self proclaimed party animal and he's not afraid to say exactly what's on his mind.

Speaking your mind---that's the First Amendment. I like that. The Constitution. I like that, too. Sometimes I wonder if the power brokers in Washington DC have ever heard of the Constitution. From what I've seen, they may have heard of it, but don't care about its significance.

Maybe in 2012, they'll find out that the vast majority of Americans do in fact, care about the Constitution. With any luck, we'll see some changes---finally for the better.

With any luck, Twitter will still be going strong & perhaps the new administration will be active Twitters as well. Maybe I'll follow them.

Larry Underwood wrote Life Under the Corporate Microscope---A Maverick's Irreverent Perspective
http://www.outskirtspress.com/LarryUnderwood

Guest Article---What Happened to America? Todd Fritz (thewonderbroker)

2009-07-16T08:13:00.000-07:00

If you're one of the 900 or so followers I have from Twitter, you probably know I'm not a fan of our newest President, Barrack Obama---The King of Financial Trauma. For some reason, the majority of Americans in the land known as ObamaNation, don't feel the same way I do. That's okay. I know I'm right, and sooner or later, I'm pretty sure the rest of America will realize that, as well.

I'm a pretty simple guy. Give me my golf clubs, an early morning tee-time, a few beers and a hot dog at the turn, and I consider it a good day. Sure, I'm a stockbroker by trade, but the "good days" in that business are as rare as a double eagle---at least in this millennium. Will things get better again? Sure. Do you have 100 years?

That's kind of a joke, but unfortunatey, it doesn't seem far off the mark. Our fiscally irresponsible President, B.O., doesn't seem to have a clue. He also doesn't seem to have a birth certificate. Yet somehow, he qualified to run for President? Sure, let's bend the rules for our home boy. Who cares what country he was born in? As long as he's got his teleprompter, he can fake it.

Somehow, his lack of motor skills doesn't instill any confidence from me. Here's a guy who bowled a 37 during last year's Presidential campaign. A 37. The obvious question: Why in the hell did he go bowling to begin with? And why didn't he ask for those bumpers to keep his ball out of the gutter? A 37?

Of course, to further his reputation as a complete spaz, he took to the mound in St Louis for the All-Star Game pre-game ceremony, and tossed a ruptured duck to Albert Pujols. This was supposed to have been the ceremonial opening pitch, but it looked like something out of Field & Stream. It was the most embarrasing moment I've ever witnessed at a sporting event, with the possible exception of Roseann What's Her Name yelping the National Anthem a decade or so earlier, and then grabbing her crotch after that performance.

Whatever happened to common sense? How did we let this happen? The greatest nation in the world went brain dead and nobody seems to care. Well, I care! The budget deficits created by this economically challenged politician are killing us. But nobody seems to care.

The fact that the leader of our country can't even cough up a lousy birth certificate makes me think he's hiding something and I hope we find it before it's too late. Why should we let him set his own rules for taking over this country? Either he proves he's a citizen of the United States, or we get him out of office. It's as simple as that. Of course, the things that are so clearly obvious, clearly don't matter.

It matters to me.

I promised Larry Underwood (lau56) I wouldn't go balistic here. Normally, I do, so you should thank me for being so civilized. Now, go buy his damned book so he'll let me come back and spout off again one of these days.

Life Under the Corporate Microscope---An Irreverent Maverick's Perspective
http://www.outskirtspress.com/LarryUnderwood

A Prediction From America's Foremost Baseball Authority

2009-07-14T02:15:00.000-07:00

Now, that's quite a bold statement---"America's foremost baseball authority" is making a prediction. Never before have I gone so far out on a limb, but wtf...I know baseball, and I know the National League All-Stars will defeat the American League All-Stars in the game played later today in St Louis.

To me, that prediction is a no-brainer. I mean, come on...The game is being played in St Louis, for crying out loud (home field advantage), and the National League lineup, led by the great Albert Pujols, is far superior to the one put together by the outmatched American League.

Say, "what"? Oh, the last time the National League won the All-Star Game, Bill Clinton was President, and Monica Lewinsky was still an intern with very limited experience with smoking cigars. The stock market was going through the biggest bull market of bull markets, and the Florida Marlins had yet to defeat the Cleveland Indians in the World Series...The New York Yankees were reigning World Series Champions after upsetting the previous World Series Champion Atlanta Braves...

That was a pretty long time ago, huh? Conventional wisdom says the American League is incapable of losing the All Star Game. Bullsh*t! Conventional wisdom is wrong so often, you could write a book about all the ways it's been wrong in the history of mankind. I won't even go into that, but "conventional stupididty" might be a better phrase...I rest my case.

So yes, my friends, you can take it from me, Uncle Larry; a guy who never lies and is always right! Well, at least as far as you know. But don't take my word for it. Here's a brief sampling of my baseball expertise, compliments of a book I wrote, Life Under the Corporate Microscope. I think this speaks for itself. If not, I'll try better next time!

Chapter 4---"Tell Us Another Story, Uncle Larry"

"Anybody who knows me well knows I like to tell stories. If the subject matter is baseball, I could go on for hours; actually, I have gone on for hours; I'm a regular baseball historian.

Thanks in large part to growing up in St Louis, where baseball is revered and understood far more than any simple 'pastime'; St Louis fans are widely regarded as the most knowledgeable in all of baseball...

As a franchise, the Cardinals have been successful in winning World Championships more than any other National League team, and rank second in all of baseball, with ten titles. The New York Yankess are in the number one position, with 1,592 World Series Championships, as everyone knows; but they would've had 1,593 titles, had the Cardinals not beaten them, mercilessly, in the 1964 World Series (actually, the damned Yankees have won something like 26 World Series Championships). How about that?"

I continue the chapter by discussing the exploits of a turn of the century ballplayer by the name of Dummy Hoy, who singlehandedly changed the game by forcing the umpires to use hand gestures to signal the outcome of a play...You see, Dummy Hoy (aka William Ellsworth Hoy) happened to be baseball's finest deaf mute player. As the late great Paul Harvey would've said; "Now you know the rest of the story!"

You can look it up. The reason umpires do those silly little hand gestures is the result of a tradition that was initiated to help a guy by the name of "Dummy", know precisely what the outcome of a given play was. Thanks, Dummy, for being you! This Bud's for you.

I'll bet you're wondering how I know so much about stupid little trivia like that. I guess you could say...I'm just a lucky stiff. Baseball's my life. And baseball predictions are my business. And business is good. And won't I look like a complete idiot if I'm wrong? Ha! It won't happen. You can take that one to the bank.

Disclaimer: Results may vary. Consult a doctor before taking any of my advice (a psychiatrist).

Larry Underwood wrote Life Under the Corporate Microscope---A Maverick's Irreverent Perspective

To order: http://www.outskirtspress.com/LarryUnderwood

Review This!

2009-07-08T22:52:00.000-07:00

As a retired executive with valid observations to share on the state of affairs in Corporate America, I've made a few noteworthy observations lately. Many of my observations stem from my growing interest & influence in that social networking site called, Twitter. More on that later.

While not engaged in the activity of posting my tweets and reading others' words of wisdom (or spam attacks), I do a lot of reading, and as a result, a lot of reviewing on Amazon. Year to date, I've polished off close to 100 reviews of mostly good books; some even great; some not so good; a couple, fairly wretched.
One thing I've noticed about doing reviews is the passionate responses that come from the Amazon masses. If your opinion of a particular book doesn't fit with many people's agenda, you'll experience the thrill of having the review "voted down", which is a curious option for those reading your words of literary opinion.

Frankly, whether you agree with my perspective (very centrist in every respect), my book reviews are stellar. However, if I mention one piece of criticism towards the author or the subject matter at hand, the Amazonians answer the question "Was this review helpful?" with a resounding "NO". I'm not sure what satisfaction they derive from voting an honest, and thoroughly comprehensive review "down"; and I won't even try to understand their motive; but it's clear they have their own very strong agenda, and feel it's their duty to quash the facts. It's pretty lame; especially when they attack something as innocuous as favorable reviews I've given to books about Vin Scully & Joe Torre. I mean, come on people. I enjoyed the books, and gave a very valid argument as to these books' merits; there's absolutely no reason to vote them down.

Of course, when you offer opinions on controversial topics, such as anything to do with President Obama, or anything to do with the state of the economy, or for that matter, any type of social issue, the hate mail comes trickling in. There's no hiding from the angry masses; but that's quite all right. I've got supporters, too. It just seems weird that a few paragraphs giving my insightful perspective should be considered so dangerous; so "unhelpful". Yeah, right. Review this.

More to come. My next post will deal with the baffling censorship I've run up against on Twitter's platform for big-shot executives---Exectweets. Plus, a strange encounter with a Linked In Group known as "Little Media". I've run afoul with them, as well; simply by having an opinion that didn't meet the agenda of the Group's commandant---a P.hD with zero tolerance for my valid observation.

PS---I wrote a great book about my experience in dealing with Corporate America (which as it turns out, is an "on-going" experience long after the book's release).

The book: Life Under the Corporate Microscope---A Maverick's Irreverent Perspective

The book's website: http://www.outskirtspress.com/LarryUnderwood

Introduction (Life Under the Corporate Microscope---A Maverick's Irreverent Perspective)

2009-06-29T00:14:00.000-07:00

After graduating from an institution of higher learning called Rockford College in 1974, and returning back home to St Louis to marry my college sweetheart, I was fortunate enough to have hooked on with a building supply company (Georgia Pacific) that would lay me off inside of four months.

Being young and naive, I never saw it coming, nor did I realize that being laid off was actually a blessing in disguise. The recession in the housing market, which led to my sudden unemployment created the perfect opportunity to start another random career, this time, in the car rental business, with a company called "Executive Leasing". I was hired, and stuck around for twenty-six years, while becoming one of its highest paid, and probably, most irreverent executives.

The company would change its name to Enterprise Rent-a-Car, and I would be embarking on a career that would pay me more money than I ever dreamed possible, in a business I truly loved. At the peak of my career, which happened to be my final year with Enterprise, I was raking in close to $4 million per year while overseeing one of the company's most profitable and fun-loving operations.

I retired after making it through the first year of the current millennium. By that time, the company that I loved had evolved into a humorless bureaucracy; not that there's anything wrong with that; but I clearly didn't fit in with that type of environment, so it was time to go, with no regrets; except of course, I wouldn't be making so much money.

The history of Enterprise, through my irreverent eyes, examines the remarkable transformation of a company that only leased cars for the first five years of its existence, started its rental division almost as an afterthought five years later, thus inadvertently going on to become the largest and most profitable car rental company in the world.

This book captures my perspective of the events that shaped Enterprise and profoundly affected not only countless careers, but personal lives as well. The observations I make are my honest opinion and may not be shared with others however please keep in mind that I'm usually right.

The company's success began with the simple, but not particularly "easy" goal of its founder, Jack C Taylor, to deliver the best customer service possible at all times; and remarkably has continued through the efforts of its front line employees, who so consistently; often thanklessly; take care of its customers, day in and day out. These are the people who work the hardest and typically get paid on the lower end of the spectrum. This book is dedicated to you. Hang in there. Someday, you may become a big shot.

After all, if it could happen to a guy like me, who never really took anything too seriously, it could happen to you.

FOR THE REST OF THE BOOK, VISIT THIS WEBSITE: http://www.outskirtspress.com/LarryUnderwood

Who Said P.hDs Aren't Funny? Not Me!

2009-06-25T01:37:00.000-07:00

Hey, Tweets! (If you're not a fellow Twitter, sign up after you read this.) Lately, I've come across a lot of funny people on Twitter. Uh, that's funny "ha-ha", not funny "hmm". Big difference. Funny "ha-ha" would be Steve Martin or Chevy Chase from the '70s. Funny "hmm" would be Steve Martin or Chevy Chase today. What happened to them? Martin turned into this whiny little weasel and Chase turned into a stupid googly eyed moron, who almost seems to be lampooning himself. He's just not funny anymore, and should never appear on camera ever again; including his own.

On the other hand, ordinary people like you and me...We're f*cking funny. Tonight, I got a random call to action from a nice lady who goes by VenerAbility (who also happens to be a hilarious P.hD) in the Twittersphere, and she invited me to join some sort of group she's putting together on Linkedin because I'm "humorous with marketing ability"...Or something along those lines...

I say, "hell yeah"...Sign me up. Now I've got to continue being hilarious. No problem, I'm always funny. Sometimes, I'm even funny "ha-ha".

I may have my hands full, here, however. It seems VenerAbility has a tremendous ability to write hysterical stuff. I read her blog and she's funnier than Steve Martin or Chevy Chase ever were in the '70s; and that's saying a lot...at least as far as Steve Martin is concerned. Chase was funny enough...but today...don't get me started.

Dr VenerAbility has penned some hilarious stuff...Just a quick sample from what I remember was a faux headline she used in one of her witty blogs: "Thailand Swallowed by Giant Clam". Genius. She had other stuff, and I got a kick out of reading her blog...It seems as though some people are really f*cking stupid; they didn't get it. Dumb-asses. I thought it was hilarious. And I'm usually right. Now go on, and get out of here, after you buy my book. Bye.

Larry Underwood is the author of Life Under the Corporate Microscope---A Maverick's Irreverent Perspective (visit his author's webpage: http://www.outskirtspress.com/LarryUnderwood

Unleash Your Own Thoughts---You're More Profound Than You Think

2009-06-23T16:03:00.000-07:00

Hello to my fellow Tweeters, and welcome to the program. If you're a first time visitor to the show, drop me a tweet & I'll send you a special gift. No I won't, but I'll try to say something witty on my next post, and even give you props...as the kids say. I really don't give props, but I just wanted to segue into the topic for discussion here today---The overuse & abuse of quoting famous people.

I have from time to time, tossed out a quote on Twitter from a famous person, because it was said so eloquently, and it alligned with my philosophy. Peter Drucker has been a good source for me. He was a genius, and his words usually hammered home a point in eloquent brevity. I love it.

However, a lot of famous people may have said a lot of interesting things, but their observations have only been inscribed in granite (metaphorically speaking) because they once won a Super Bowl, or led the American League in Home Runs a few years ago. In other words, they have good hand eye coordination, and can run fast, jump high, or utilize their strength in ways to make them skilled at their professions (I won't even go into any debate about possible steroid use at this particular time; it's not relevent to the subject at hand).

I think the ordinary people (like you and me, but not that guy) should start using their own imagination to produce some noteworthy observations. Just think about a subject you're interested in, or have had some type of experience with. Then start brainstorming. You may surprise yourself with your brilliance. To me, the satisfaction of spouting off something profound---and totally original---is almost as good as winning a Super Bowl or World Series. When it gets retweeted on the worldwide stage of Twitter, there's nothing better; in my book, anyway. Or my next book.

Here's a sampling of some of my zany or even profound observations:

*Survival of the fittest often means having the loaded gun.

*I once said everyone should get married at least once, just to see what it's like. From my own experience, I have to retract that idea.

*The only thing Corporate America has to fear is the culture of fear Corporate America has created.

*Humorless corporate hierachies usually have a bunch of unhappy, unmotivated and unproductive employees running around collecting paychecks, but not really engaged in the process of "work".

*Survival of the fittest often means being able to display charisma & confidence to some of the scariest people you'll ever meet.

*Personal success is often measured by the success others achieve, aided by your support & guidance.

And so on, and so forth. I got a million of 'em. The next time you're on Twitter, try one of your own original thoughts. You'll surprise yourself with how smart you are. Now go on & get out of here.

Larry Underwood is the author of Life Under the Corporate Microscope---A Maverick's Irreverent Perspective (visit his website: http://www.outskirtspress.com/LarryUnderwood)

A Book Every Enterprise Rent-a-Car Employee Must Read

2009-03-21T00:17:00.001-07:00

Since publishing Life Under the Corporate Microscope, I've heard from dozens of my old cohorts, some of whom I hadn't seen in years, telling me they'd read it and really enjoyed it. In fact, many of them couldn't put it down once they started reading it; and there were no adhesives to cause that situation. They just couldn't wait to find out what was going to happen next.

In broader terms, the book gives my irreverent perspective of life in Corporate America; specifically, with Enterprise Rent-a-Car, a company that grew to mammoth proportions while I was under its employ for 26 years (1974-2000). As I narrate my way through a successful career, which would ultimately make me a multi-millionaire from a wonderful, incentive based commission pay-plan (the more profit I generated for the company, the more money I made, individually); I take the reader along for a wild and fun-filled (often hilarious) ride, from my humble beginnings in St Louis, to my lucrative conclusion, living a very nice life in Las Vegas.

What makes the book so compelling for anybody associated with Enterprise (and that's a lot of people) is how the company went from a relatively small, regional-based operation when I first started, to go on to become the massive (maybe "too massive for its own good") corporation they are nowadays.

Not long ago, Enterprise was making so much money, they usually raked in more profit each year than all the other car rental companies, combined. Lately, times have been tough, they're having trouble making any decent profit, and they even resorted to laying off thousands of employees, last fall, with about 200 of them coming from their overstaffed bureaucratic headquarters in St Louis.

What my book does is bridge the gap between the corporate perspective on what a wonderful company they are, never admitting they ever made a mistake, to reality.

The reality is they're basically about like any other big corporation; no better, no worse. At times, they were a great place to work, and paid guys like me an awful lot of money to run our businesses. Other times, they were a company that seemed to distance themselves from the front-line employees, while creating a new corporate culture of micro-managing, finger pointing and backstabbing.

At times, they were the classiest company on the planet, and most of us felt proud to be working for them. Other times they seemed callous and treacherous, creating a climate of " fear" permeating the corporation.

I think the time is right for a different perspective on this slice of Corporate America, blemishes and all. I suppose it was my job to do that; it was an enjoyable project to write, edit and now market, I suppose for the rest of my life. After all, word of mouth advertising is great, but in this instant information age of the internet, there are so many other marketing options to decide to use, it's mind-boggling; and it's also making me blog a lot; which is also mind-boggling, to say the least.

I think you'll love the book, and for more information on it, please visit my other web-site: http://www.outskirtspress.com/LarryUnderwood

Considering a Career with Enterprise Rent-a-Car? Read my Book First!

2009-03-20T16:15:00.000-07:00

I got lucky. I needed to find a job in a hurry; I'd just been laid off from Georgia Pacific due to the collapse in the housing market...not this one...the one from 1974. After a bunch of worthless job interviews from a varitey of sources from the "now hiring" section in the St Louis Post Dispatch, I randomly selected an employment agency, located in downtown St Louis, talked to some guy named Bill or Billy or Bud; to tell you the truth, I don't remember any of those details.

What I do remember was this guy immediately took one look at me (I was the dork-master), and sold me on the fact that I was "Executive Leasing" material.  "Executive Leasing" later had a name change operation, becoming "Enterprise Leasing", and then the final one (for now) which made them the world-famous "Enterprise Rent-a-Car".

So I was quickly dispatched to conduct an interview with Wayne Kaufmann, but the recruiter cleverly warned me to really behave myself and suck up as much as possible to this Kaufmann guy because "he only hires one out of ten applicants!"  Of course, that was a crock of shit, because if Kaufmann rejected 90% of this particular employment agency's applicants, he'd probably tell them to send their applicants somewhere else. Of course at the time, I didn't know the strategic game this guy was playing with me was called, "Make Sure That Dork Interviews Well".

In reality, my chances of getting the job were practically 100%, but I didn't know that. I pictured Kaufmann to be some Nazi Storm Trooper kind of guy, would never smile, and would bark his questions at me like I was being interrogated for something I'd done wrong. I was wary, to say the least, prior to going on that little interview.

It turned out Wayne was a cross between Jimmy Stewart and Jed Clampett; just a nice, soft spoken, yet very gregarious guy and I was so relieved by his demeanor, I felt immediately comfortable with the whole situation now, and became one charming, gregarious dork. I was a lock to get the job, but needed to have another quick little chat with Doug Brown, who was so out-going and friendly, it intimidated the hell out of me. Still, I smiled at the right times, nodded at the right times, chuckled at the right times, and pretended to comprehend what he was telling me about whatever it was he was talking about.

So, I got the job although I really didn't have a clue on what it would entail. Their babble was vague and my mind was preoccupied with trying not to say anything stupid, so the whole thing was a blur.

Nowadays, Enterprise has trained recruiters who have very specific topics they cover, and will typically have you do at least three interviews with other lower to mid-management type people before they offer you the job. I think it's still relatively easy to hook on with them, but they make you jump through hoops just to make sure you're a team player, or something.

Since I spent 26 years with this company, I got to know the inner workings of the organization, and how political it is, and how much of what they babble is just some sort of mandatory, politically correct verbage, which I'm sure still doesn't make much sense to a lot of interviewees. Before making the decision to jump on board the Enterprise express, I strongly recommend you read my book, beforehand: Life Under the Corporate Microscope, by Larry Underwood, world famous author, management guru, and dork.

In a nutshell, it's everything you should know about Enterprise, but simply didn't know to ask. It's an irreverent (and hilarious) perspective of life in Corporate America, of which Enterprise is one of its leading players. Some people like the corporate mentality and fit in quite well in that type of environment; some people don't like it, but need a job, so once you get through with the book, you'll at least understand the landscape.

What the hell. It's not only informative, it's very hilarious. For further information, check out my website:   http://www.outskirtspress.com/LarryUnderwood