Saturday, December 10, 2011

God: "Glitch" Sends Pujols to Angels

A source close to God has informed the MLB Network early Tuesday morning that devout slugger Albert Pujols' decision to move to the Los Angeles/Anaheim/California Angels resulted from a "communication mixup" between the Lord and the former 11 year St Louis Cardinals icon.

Attempting to explain the series of events that led King Albert to the Halos, the source set the record straight:  "Albert Pujols has been asking God for a lot of guidance lately, and the increased volume of prayers has put a strain on the Lord's ability to give His usual top-notch advice.  God decided to delegate the responsibilites to a special task force committee comprised of several former major league players who could offer the best possible guidance."

The exact identity of the committee members was not disclosed, although the source confirmed they were all dead and residing in Heaven.

"Unfortunately, when God relayed the plan to Mr Pujols, a communications glitch occurred."

Apparently, when God told Pujols he would be getting "help from the angels", Albert thought He was referring to the AL West franchise, who had coincidentally contacted the slugger about moving out west anyway.

Reportedly, God was embarrassed by the mixup, saying he had "completely forgotten" about the franchise he had helped win the World Series in 2002. 

"God wants to let everyone know He usually doesn't resort to Divine Intervention in deciding sporting events," then adding with a chuckle, "He never really liked Barry Bonds."

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